THOUGHTS OF LIFE

In the ever-expanding world of suspended thinking this question possessed my humble mind. How do we balance life, love, family, work, finances, and leisure but still have a relationship with God.

Pressure is put on us everyday in most all these areas. It becomes a tangled web for me and I easily loose sight of what is important to me. Confusion has grown to a magnitude as it over takes all my thinking.

I am so lost in life right now I cannot see my next step. I wander around some days oblivious to the surroundings, which cradle security and some kind of stability.

Balance in life is so important I feel, as it acts as an organizer. Priorities must be in order and well understood before we can achieve balance. The carnal mind wants what it wants and becomes a very powerful force in a daily basis. Our conscience rebels and tries to put this carnal thinking into place. A war breaks out and creates havoc in my life.

Restlessness supersedes and the order of balance is all messed up. Knowing what is right and wrong becomes a distraction. A piece of abstract art is created and its got my name on it for its title.

I have talked to God about this and I still feel so unbalanced in all the different categories. My priorities have become blurred.

I am talking in circles here I know but some time spelling them out can help create a new map and direction of where you should be.

Life has become really confusing to me as of late. Nothing is really making much sense. My mind has been overloaded as it feels it is breaking under the stress.

I have been here before and have found a way out. I have landed on my feet before and found redirection. So I stive to reach that next step still in tact.

Have a great day and thanks for reading.

Mind Body and Soul

The word "Zen" is described by Oxford as a form of Buddhism emphasizing the value of meditation and intuition. Well I am not a Buddha and I do not follow their teachings but I like the word Zen. To me it describes a togetherness of mind body & soul within our selves.

Us North Americans love to twist words around to fit our purpose and as you can see I am no different. So lately my Zen has been way out of whack. Why I am not real sure but I can feel a separation some days.

A very weird feeling as I am sure we have all had this feeling. My body does not seem to be in sync with my mind, and my soul gets dragged down from it. It is very disheartening when you do not feel whole on a day to day basis. It becomes impossible to create a level playing field where emotions are concerned.

I know I am going in circles here but these are real feelings to me. My mind is going one way based upon a thought and my body wants to go another way. When this happens my soul which controls all emotions has been confused much like when you give a computer two commands. It does not know which one to follow. It may pick one but then the other is only tagging along and it is not happy.

This has been happening a lot lately and it is taking its toll. It makes me want to just crawl back into bed and get up again and try it all over. In the real world it is not possible so I find a way to deal with it.

It probably has a lot to do with my head injury combined with the weather and work schedule. The cure for all this, well it is easy “Vacation”

Yes I need to get away to somewhere which will revitalize my “Zen”

Those of you who know me know a trip to Hawaii would do the trick, but since this is not possible I would love to go to a place alone with my pen and paper, my guitar and my camera. A week would be great, a vacation with only my self and my thoughts. I could right about everything I see and feel. I could photograph all images which capture my imagination. I could think of some people who I would love to spend time with but this is not possible either for what ever reason.

Life can be so confusing and boring at times. At times it can be so great much like an exciting movie which sends chills up your spine.

For me right now I am just plugging away with life. It is not that bad even though I sound real depressed I really am not. I think I am just in need of some time away.

I just wanted to get this off my chest and I thank you for reading.

BEEN SO LONG

Hi everyone it has been way to long. My sabbatical is over and I am anxious to get blogging again. Sometimes a break is what is needed to clear your mind and send you in a new direction.

My life has been a roller coaster of sorts a lot of good and some bad. This summer has been a very busy one. My dear friend was down for her recording session which was way too much fun. Our band played a small show and it was a huge rush for me.

My job has been insanely busy for the summer but it has been good for the most part. I am into using Alouette products. "Don't laugh" they are awesome products and no not the make up but the hydrating mist. I went to a party a few weeks ago " quit laughing" it was my duaghters party and I had so much fun. Bought my wife a pile of stuff for her birthday. And I got invited to another party so I went "you still laughing" and I came up with this awesome idea to have my own party. "Quit snorting from laughing"

Here is my plan I am having a beer and wing night for the guys as well as an Alouette party two weeks before Christmas. The guys can get their wives or girl friends something nice for a gift. There will be free gift wrapping. and I even had some women offer to be our models, to demonstrate some of the make up and skin products'

"Awesome idea right", "Who's laughing now" " Oh it's still you" but you wait and see it will be a big hit.

Well I will keep this short and sweet and I will be making regular stops to update. Nice to see you all again and thanks for reading

JUST PLAYING CATCH UP

Hi Blogger friends It has been a while since we have caught up. I still am taking some time off but this time I did not erase the whole blog. I guess I learned my lesson the first time.

I have been working very hard lately on a job which is way over budget and time. It has been so frustrating for me. It should be completed tomorrow with a little bit of luck.

My niece had some very complicated back surgery this past week. So far things are good, but only time will tell. I hope she is ok, I really worry about her sometimes. She is a sweetheart who has been threw so much in the last few years. I love her dearly.

I have one more week to work and I have a week off. We will be working on a new CD for my very talented friend. I know it will be magnificent.

Ever notice how guys are such jerks when it comes to dealing with emotions. They can't do certain things in front of the guys. They have to be tough and act like men or so that is the impression. Well I found out Saturday morning I am no different. I was with my buddy and I felt like I could cry or at least I had tears starting to form. I had to fight them off because guys just don't cry. I kind of became internally emotional and it was hard to hide the tears. We are such idiots sometimes when dealing with sad or emotional moments. Why can't we just be human in front of people and deal with it and not feel we need to hide such human feelings.

We went to see the band The Fray on Friday night. You may have heard some of their music on Grey's Anatomy or several other tv shows. They were amazing and we enjoyed them a great deal.

My Mom turned 75 today. She could easily pass for 55 and she knows it. Don't you hate when that happens. She is an amazing mom and I wish her all the best.

That is about all I got tonight so have a great week and thanks for reading

THE REVOLVING WORLD

In this ever revolving world of emotions there are so many ups and downs to the cycle. The highs are memorable and the downs are much more memorable mainly because they leave it's mark on your memory for ever.

What am I talking about well it is our kids. One of the bad things about having kids is they are a package deal. You begin to realize this when they become teenagers and you see the many lows they bestow up on you. There is no fine print in the owners manual when they are delivered and you set out to raise them.

There should be an owners manual with these kids. My kids are putting so much strain on us right now. To many bad periods are overshadowing the good times.

At one point they make you so proud you just cannot contain it and then these times of tribulation you just stand with no idea how to handle any of this. Friday was a very hard day were my kids are concerned. You get so angry because of their behavior but really what can you do. You beat them with in inches of their life but what good would that do and besides that is just not me.

I have come to the realization being a parent is much like being a foreman on the job. You are in charge of your workers and you call the shots but if one of the workers wants to use his brain and work out a way to make the job easier and safer you let him roll with it. You want to be friends with them but you cannot be a foreman and a friend at the same time. After hours you can hang out some but your roll has to be defined.

So I have to be the bad guy where my kids are concerned, and I cannot be a buddy at the same time. I have to enforce the rules and be hated for it. Its a thankless job sometimes and it is not fun. I have been called everything under the sun lately from one of my kids. I am tired and just plain fed up with the whole situation.

I laid in bed last night thinking about things and it really depresses me to think my own flesh and blood hate me so much. There was a time when I was very proud of him and that gets distorted during these times. He is growing up and struggling to be independent but has no clue how to do it. I understand some what were he is coming from but must learn abusing the ones who can help him the most are not the ones you should hate the most.

All of this takes its toll on our emotions as the cycle keeps on going. We have been threw this before but we are at the age where we just want to relax and be happy but oh no it is not going to happen yet. Even when the move out their problems some how become yours also. Its a crazy circle.

But like I said they are a package deal, and we love them anyways and are always here when the need us.

Have a great day and thanks for reading

THE AXE CHALLENGE

I finally did it, I took the Axe challenge. You know the one where the guy is wearing the body spray Axe and thousands of women run to him. Or the teacher who is teaching English classes and the guy walks in and she goes "Ohh a waw cha wa" or something like that. Well I bought some today because I need a lift and thousands of females chasing me sounded like fun.

Come to find out no females chased me, well I can't really say that I did have two female cats which loved me after I took my shower. They actually wanted to sit on my lap and sniff me. Just my luck now the cats like me. oh well maybe I need to find another challenge.

Very warm and muggy today, but I love this weather. I hate being cold, hot I can handle cold no. One of the reasons I don't live in Winnipeg. But I have heard threw the grapevine if I wore my Axe out their I would have much different results.

Still working on my article for Associated Content. I had one written but was not happy with it so I started to wright another. I will be happy with it sooner or later, no real hurry, when it is complete I will submit it.

Work has been hectic as usual. I think I need to find something much easier on the body and brain. I feel much to old to be competing at this kind of pace. It is definitely a younger mans game. Us older guys should be training the young guys coming up, but if life were like that then it would be perfect. It is far from perfect.

We went to Edens dance recital last night and we were so proud of our little angel as she was dancing her heart out. She did really good and it looked like she enjoyed herself. My buddy's daughter who is an assistant teacher at the dance school was also in the program. This !9 year old girl can certainly dance, she made me very proud also.

Thank you for all your support on my last post it meant a lot to me. Amazing how things we cannot control bother us. I guess it is a part of life in some way

Have a great night and thanks for reading.

Random Thinking Tonight

The one thing that really sucks in life is there are times when you are completely helpless in some situations. I feel this way as I am dealing with some information I learned this weekend. I can't go into details but this news absolutely breaks my heart in the worst way.

Why do we as people constantly feel the need to hurt each other. It is ridiculous in the most honest level. We raise our kids to become healthy, strong, independent as well as being happy with decisions. We cannot protect them all the time. We have to let them go free and learn life can be as cruel as cruel can be. Sitting back watching all of this happen is slowly killing us inside.

In other areas I have been doing some renovating in the basement as I try to prepare a spare bedroom. My neighbor thinks it is for me when I'm in the dog house. I swear it is not, but it will have a comfy bed in it if ever needed.

I just can't seem to find time to blog lately, I want to but something else always gets in the way. My life has been much to busy for me to actually enjoy it. Need to find a way to slow it down considerably.

I am working on a new article to submit to Associated Content. It will be called A Gem In The Rough and it is about a century home in Welland which has been restored to it's original beauty. It is an amazing piece of work. I just hope I can put together a good article which will get published.

Tomorrow night I am going to an Alouette party, I so need to get my night time mask replaced (just kidding ) really lol

I don't really have much tonight just wanted to stop by and say hi to all of you who read this.

have a great night and thanks for reading

SUCH A BAD BLOGGER

Yep that's me Mr bad blogger. it has been so long since I bloged, but I have million excuses, Of course I do I am "bad blogger" This should be my new handle.

The sun has been shining and the weather pretty good so I have been spending some time out side. It is nice to see all of you again I must say

I don't really have anything cool to say so I will update what I have been doing. Well work has been a high stress area in my life. But it will not always be that way, just the last month or so has been pressure filled.

My co-worker has been sick and I missed her humour the last few days, she keeps me thinking in the proper direction usually. Hope she is feeling better soon. Sounded kind of fishy though getting sick two days before a long weekend, Wish I would have thought of that.

Today I did something I never thought I would. Actually completely not my idea but I just did what I was asked. I painted orange on my basement bedroom wall. "Stop laughing Bonnie" it's not funny. Jo Anne picked out all the colours and I had no choice except say wow honey I love the colours you picked very nice. (husband talk, i know it well)

I have joined a writing site where I have been posting poems. I have been right into writing them lately as they seem to flow easily. it has been fun and I have started to write articles for a sight called Associated Content. I would like to do some writing for them, I will submit them when I think they are ready and hopefully I can get a few published. The writing site is http://www.writesight.com.

I will post a poem I wrote this week. Have a great long weekend and I will try not to ignore blog spot again. Thanks for reading

PASSION IN PARADISE

Dancing in the dream you cast

I fall victim to caressing visions locked inside of me

I purge all negative thoughts

As my hand reaches out and catches the love intertwined in fingers

A glance of playfulness you turn and run

I let you leave my presence so I may find you and hold you forever

The ocean breeze whisks across your beauty

As your scent fill my senses with the true taste of content

The moon shines above the water

As the reflection doubles with the brilliance of your blue eyes

I am caught off guard by the display

But not surprised that nature notices all of it’s perfections

I softly lay you down on the sand

As I tower above you and place my lips upon yours

I hold you never wanting to let go

As this magical moment must be remembered for all eternity

Palm trees reach for the sky as if shelter

As we join our souls in passion amidst this paradise

Awaiting for the sun’s return

The stillness of the night cradles lasting meditations

The Island of love surrendered all it’s power

We walk on her as if a sacred land only devoted to us

Memories never fade if they are real

And I will remember this moment till death do us part

ADVERSITY

This week has literally been a nightmare at work as adversity has struck me in the face once again. I came home Friday completely stressed over all the events which had taken place. I lay in bed last night thinking about this and I came to a conclusion. This is a test of my manhood and my beliefs. Up to now I think I have miserably failed this test and I came to a conclusion which I have wrote down in the form a loosely written poem.

I thought I would share it with you and let out my aggressions and let the light of a new found attitude walk with me and pass off the anger to someone who can deal with it better than me.

ADVERSITY

I struggle with the demonic face of adversity
It rears its devilish looks and stare’s me down
Eye to eye I contemplate the reverent social consequence
And the impression which myself will be perceived

I turn blue in the face as I speak of mutual resolve
Walking into walls within this endeavor
As my voice is unheard and much to soft to be
taken to a level of seriousness

The humiliating words of chastising slow my ego
Crumbling under the weight is left a skeleton
of disfigured proportions
I glance back into those incubus eyes
As I turn and walk away

Creating my own resolve I distance myself
from the harrowing light of darkness
I seek a proportional altitude which serves
as a safe plateau from such discontent

I find no outward answers but only a peaceful
resolution within my own sacred mind
Restricted within these boundaries
I pace forward to new levels of manhood

No internal games will be played within this mind
Observation is detrimental if it seeps into your soul
Individual thought’s control my actions
As I turn away from the darkness, as the acceptance of true light
fills my soul with a comforting hand

I grasp that hand and walk to a distant land
Far from the evil which has tried to
turn this body into it’s own
Don’t look back, and never seek combat
with the prince of darkness alone

Have a great day and thanks for reading

YOUTHFULNESS RESTORED

You have heard of the fountain of youth, you know the natural spring which revitalizes your body and you become young again. Well I have found it, and actually I have had it for four and a half years now. I never realized it was right at my finger tips. And the best part it was right in my backyard well down the street a little ways but it was here all along.

I should probably retract a little to explain this. Well those who read my blog know I have bouts of feeling old and have no energy. Life becomes a struggle and I feel very alone in my old decrepit body. Well that was a few months ago but now I have been given a new lease on life. I have found the proof I am still young. That's right back to the fountain of youth.

You may ask where is this fountain of youth and how can I get in on it. The answer is you can't as it was meant for only a few of us, today anyways. Today was grandparents day mt my granddaughters school and I was invited. I had a slow schedule so I opted out of work at noon to attend.

Well as I got there it did not take me long to realize all these people here were grandparents. Duh you might say it was grandparents day but you are missing my point. Most of them were old enough to be my grandparents. So you know where I am headed with this, I suddenly felt very young and revitalized in my way of thinking. I am still young even though I have grandchildren. I am not retired, I am not gray, I do not have the sagging cheeks, I have all my teeth, I do not need a walker to get around. Well lets just say I am way to young for all those things and I saw all those today at grandparents day.

So now that I am a spring chicken I feel like dancing around the neighborhood, and was getting my dancing shoe's on but JoAnne gave me that look, you know the one " if you do this you will never be associated with any of us again" OK you know the look, so I refrained from the dancing. But man do i feel great" And very young" Yee Haw

I have met other very young grandparents, like "Young Mom" you know who you are. I was just so happy to find out I was actually one of them. Yee Haw again.

On other fronts our band is preparing to play our yearly show at the July Stanley Cup party which is a yearly event among several friends. We have maybe twenty to thirty songs to choose from. I have to admit we are not very good, we have a ton of fun though and that is what it is all about for us. But this year our band well be rocking and sounding great, not because we got any better but because my son Darren will be joining us on stage this year. he is an awesome guitar player and even though we are not in his league musically he was thrill at the opportunity to play with the "YOUNG" old guys for a night. It will be a blast.

Before I leave you with my "Youthful Words" (come on I'm excited, give me a break) I want to say congratulations to "Young Mom's Daughter" as she took possession of her new home this week. She has not moved into it yet but I have heard threw the grapevine there will be orange on some of the walls. " I know she is new, she will figure out orange should never be part of a house" Just kidding ya, wish I were there to help paint. But I am in when the cupboards need replacing.

Thanks for reading and have a great night.

I NOW HAVE A FLAT NOSE

The title says it all for me as this is what it feels like. i should maybe explain this as you may think I am disfigured more than usual.

Well if you read a previous blog you know I am having some problems at work. Well I finally got my meeting with the "BIG GUY" as I had time to calm down and get my thoughts together. The meeting went good as we tossed some ideas around in an attempt to come to a solution to some of the internal problems I have been facing on the job.

I put all my concerns on the table backed with quotes and dollar numbers. I conducted myself very well I thought as I injected some humour into the conversation but was direct in my approach concerning the problem areas.

We came up with a good solution to one of the biggest concerns and I was to take the solution to the purchasing controller who would tell me if he could bring this particular type of paint into the work area. A work place has very strict rules as to what chemicals can be brought into the work place.

We to save this gentleman some work I did the phone calls to the customer to see if our solution would be fine with them. They had no problem with the change of plans. So I did all the leg work and obtained the msds sheets and found the place we could purchase this item at a good cost.

We I took it to him for this manager to look over and give his approval. A few hours later I went back to see what he thought and this is what he said to me. "What do you want me to do with this, It's not my job" To which I stated the president of the company ask me to get your approval before going ahead with it, to which he replied "It's not my job and he should figure out what I do it's not my problem"

Ok this is where the flat nose comes into play. I have been in a complete circle trying to find a viable solution to this problem so I can finish the rebuild of the unit I am working on. I felt completely defeated. I just did not have the energy to do this any more and I feel I have been walking into walls for a week now. My nose is now flat.

In other news in my life, we are now down to one kid living at home now. Tyler moved out. He and a friend are sharing an apartment. I hope this works out for him. We started with five kids and they are slowly growing up and going out on their own.

I have a confession to make as I feel way to guilty about this. It is hard to admit but I cheated. Tonight when I got home I made some dinner and then sat down to watch some television A Dairy Queen commercial came on and I yelled at my wife JoAnne and within minutes we were on our way to Dairy Queen to indulge in a banana split. So much for will power and my healthy eating but in my defense "It was sooooo good"

Well that's about all I got so have a great night and beware of walking into walls, the nose is very sensitive and when it is flat you look kind of funny. Thanks for reading

INJUSTICE

Injustice seems to rule our world. I have been hit and felt injustice this week at work. I was ready to walk away and never return. But happy to say I did not and came out still kicking.

Ever notice some people are just not happy unless they have made someone miserable that day. I know a guy like this and it is true, he relishes in reeking havoc on others and at work he has the power to do so.

Once I got over my anger I felt sorry for this man as he is plain miserable and I am certain his life is as wrecked as he makes others feel. So sad to meet people like this. I have to force myself to pray for him. It is not easy as this man has totally disintegrated my belief this is the place I want to work until I retire. One man has done this and I have to pray about this situation and for him. Not easy.

On other fronts I feel great and have felt great for a while now. Life is granting me some enjoyment and has restored my faith in believing life is for the living and we should live it. We should be happy on a personal level and a spiritual level and these past few weeks I have felt this. I am excited about the prospects of moving forward and being a part of society again.

A local boy who works on music with my my son is up for a second day time Grammy award. His nomination was announced this week and we are all very excited for him.

I felt creative last night and actually wrote a poem which was haunting my mind and I am very happy with it. It is a poem of hope and dividing our sorrow with the hope of forgiving it and trusting another once again. One injustice cannot dictate your whole life. We must trust in some and lay our hearts on the line when it counts and not be afraid to let the past go.

SHATTERED AS IF GLASS

I crave the desire to touch your bleeding soul with my strength

Reach in as I explore the inducement of your pain

Dissect the inevitable lose

Reaching back I fumble with the blackening memories of your tears

Outlined shadows of forbidden joy keep me focused

I take you in my arms

The flaming softness of your skin singes my emotions as I search on

Muscle contractions show no sign of impending smiles

Your sadness bounds you tight

Grazing the surface as I speak from the depths of inner connections

Your terrestrial anxiety paints a canvas of past neglect

The colors are blinding

A river flows as harrowing recollections surface without invitation

I let you talk as I only listen in grieving silence

Your words cast dark molds

The imprint of love was once marked inside as if a shrine

The texture of steel was only of glass fragments

It shattered as you fell from it

The deception of truth eludes your conscience mind rinsed in tears

The promise of love and the reality of fear

Leave you on the run

Detailed cautions plaque your eyes in a scarlet glaze which stare at me

I only recognize the beauty which lives in them

And I smile at your weariness

I harbor no intentions in which I do not speak as I hold you tight

My hand softly grazes your cheek as I speak

I love only you

Lloyd Coverdale 2007

That is about all I got today so have a great day and thanks for reading.

STOKED

I had fairly crappy day at work. I got really dirty and and had a problem with the shop foreman, but that is no problem. I am behind on my job and time is winding down and it is not close to being done So the pressure has been on me to get it completed. I can't complete it because I have not received all the parts back from the re builders.

So I am a man who should be down and out but am I, No Way!

And why am I stoked, well thanks for asking. When I came home from work tonight I noticed something on the counter with my name on it. Was it a million dollars, Nope better, was it a retirement letter, nope much better, was it a new car, nope way way better!

My new CD came in the mail, the one I bought off my newly created E-BAY account. I rushed right in the house and put it on my stereo and cranked that sucker right up. I was in my glory, dancing around the tv room with my kids looking very concerned about me. A jovial dad who just got home covered head to toe in dirt.

Quite the scene I must say, And I am sure you are glad you missed it, trust me on that one.

The CD I bought is actually a sound track from a movie released in 1986. It was called SID AND NANCY. It is the true story of Sid Vicious and Nancy Sprungsten love affair which was nothing short of crazy and disgusting. They were both drug addicts and Sid ended up killing Nancy before he killed himself. If you recall Sid was a member of the Sex Pistols the punk rock band.

I can't watch the movie as it is so violent and crazy but the soundtrack is a work of art. I have never seen the Cd anywhere in the store's, so when I found it on e-bay I had to get it. It features songs by Joe Strummer who was part of The Clash, and the Vogues. Man can that lady sing from that group. It features a song by Steve Jones called Pleasure and Pain which is amazing. I love it.

It is basically a classic rock album and it suits me just fine. Oh I am still Stoked !!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading

A QUICK RANT

Ever get an aching pain in your stomach because of something you cannot control. I am not a control person or a least don't think I am but right now I have this ache and it really hurts inside.

My dear friend and I will venture to say one of my best friends has really been been tested and tried as of late. There is nothing I can do to help and this really pisses me off. She is a kind gentle spirit who has done nothing but help others and now she, I am sure feels totally betrayed by others.

There are certain rules in life in which you should abide by, the first is treat others as you would want to be treated. Don't take advantage of others just because you can. We all have feelings and they can be destroyed by careless and neglected actions.

Always try to help others as you need to be helped from time to time. And if you have to be neglectful please let the other person know ahead of time or say I'm sorry ASAP.

When you cannot make an engagement please call to let that person know, it is the right thing to do. And to my friend I feel such an ache for you right at this moment as your words filtered through my soul and if I could take those feelings upon myself so you did not have to feel them I would in a heartbeat.

Some of us love you dearly and we are always here for you.

ONE SHOT OF ADRENALINE PLEASE

Squandered opportunities leave us scrambling for some form of higher ground. A place elevated high enough in which we can rest our tired feet.

We search for that next fix. We need to shoot up our bodies with adrenaline as we indulge our own ego's. Excitement dwindles away at times and we need it back. Live becomes boring and stagnant and very fruitless. How do you combat this, do you dive right in the next opportunity and hope it fulfills or do you hold out for that next chance to spread our wings and fly away.

I am bored with my life lately not depressed as there is a huge difference just surviving feeling like excitement is passing me by. Such a weird feeling and it has been haunting me for some time.

I want to do something crazy and totally out of context with myself. I have no idea what and if I could ever do something which may seem stupid at the time. It's just a thought I have at this moment and it is what I really want to do.

Boredom is hard to fight and is a direct result of very poor personal planning within ourselves. I am not good with planning things when they pertain to me. I need to feel alive lately as I feel dull and boring. I have so many things planned this summer and I am so looking forward to them but right now ho hum!

I had some very sad news this week which has left me searching for some answers as the news caught me totally off guard. Divorce is a terrible thing when it happens to people you love and care very much for. When a couple you thought were doing great comes and tells you it's over it can be very disturbing. I did not see it coming and it is really sending my mind into a spin. I hope they can work it out but I have been told they will not. It is really sad and I will pray for this couple as I love them both very much.

My leafs are out of the playoffs again which is really no surprise to me as I have braced myself for the event. Oh well it's only a game and there is always next year and the next year and the next year......... lol.

I have opened up an ebay account finally. I have wanted to do this for sometime but never did. Man you can buy all sorts of crap on there. Not that I have but could if wanted. It boggles my mind when I go threw the different categories and look at what people have for sale. You name it you can buy it. Too much really.

I was really amazed at how you can buy tickets for concerts. I have definitely been out of the ticket buying loop lately as I found out you can buy tickets and they e-mail you the ticket and you just have to print them on your computer. No more standing in line for three days as we used to have to do in the seventies. I was completely overwhelmed when I purchased tickets this week. I actually had a smile on my face as I had the tickets within minutes of finding them. So fast that it scared me. I must have done something wrong but nope that is the way it worked. I mentioned this to one of my boys and he looked at me as if I was from another planet, as he calmly told me he has been doing this for a few years now. I just sighed as I felt like a moron thinking I had stumbled onto the next great invention of the century.

Thats all I got today so have a great evening and thanks for reading.

Happy Easter

I have been way to busy this past week and have not really had a time to blog. I need to get into the swing again this week as I have so much to say.

We spent a remarkable day at my sister and brother in laws today and a dinner tomorrow at my daughters place. So much food you would never know I am watching my weight but come on it's easter.

On the good news talk the Maple Leafs won their last game as they beat out the Canadians for a playoff spot. Now tomorrow the Islanders must loose in regulation time for the leafs to make the playoffs. I will be watching and cheering New Jersey, until such a time I get a life.

I have to go now but I will start regular blogging and comments on Monday.

Have a great Easter day and thanks for reading

MUCH YOUNGER DAYS

I FOUND THIS PICTURE AND IT MADE LAUGH, THOUGHT i WOULD SHARE

THE EXPANDING MIND

The expanding mind spans many square feet of information. Everyday we learn something new about ourselves or about someone else and it may not be retained it does register in some form.

Our perception of people can often be blurred by lack of details and poor vision sense. We often forget everyone is human and all make mistakes for what ever reason. Forgiveness must be in bedded into a clear light when dealing with people.

I got in trouble this week and spoke to in a very condescending way at work. The fellow meant well and I knew this but still could not help but get my back up.

Us older folk have learned how to keep our mouths shut as not to say anything to make the situation worst. At least I think I have anyways but have been known to spout off on occasion. I let this fellow give me his thoughts and I walked away without defending myself as I knew it was not me who caused the problem.

I ask you is this the proper way to go or do you speak up and defend yourself. I just felt it was not worth the hassle as to blame the actual guilty party. I have broad shoulders and can take the fact people see me as a screw up at times. I just think we all need to have each others back in some situations.

I don't know that was just a thought which was bouncing around in my feeble little brain.

Please pray for my sister in law who got thrown from her horse this week and is in the hospital. She looks like she is going to be ok but does not remember what actually happened. From experience I have learned when you don't remember all the details of an event like this it will become a problem in the coming days and weeks. I hope she will regain it all back but an injury to the head can stay with you for the rest of your life and if not "HA HA "you end up like me.

My dear friend had a very rough week this past work week. I know they feel terrible because they feel like they let themselves down and maybe hurt some feelings along the way. I say to you my dear friend " chin up, we love you and if you have some weak moments or some overly stressful times we understand and are there to support you"

I wrote some lyrics recently as part of them appear on my home page. They may not mean much to everyone but but I was proud of them.
"Reaching out grabbing still air"
"Breathing in I feel your still there"
"I feel my world is in compression"
"It almost fits into my hand"

This is basically a song about hope in the realization that there are friends out there who you cannot wait to spend some time with and you are forced to wait before you can meet with them again.

I just liked those lines so I thought I would share them

That is about all I got today so have a great day and thanks for reading

NOT SO COOL

In the ever restrained world in which I call my own, adventure and humility never seem to far away. I have lost lots of weight I am eating better and have found some much needed energy. So in these parameters I am feeling very good about myself. As a lot of you know I am a homebody who likes to stay home a lots and rarely enjoys venturing to far from my home.

Well since I was feeling so macho and had this feeling of being very cool within myself I said lets go the mall. I was like a teenager again and may of had a little jump in my walk I am not sure but it did feel like it.

Jo-Anne headed down to Zellers to pick up something so I decided to cruise the mall a bit and give them all a good look at such a cool guy. I am sure the mall must be starving for some coolness or at least I was sure of it.

I see the cd shop and my feet start to accelerate toward the entrance. Well since I am so hip I head straight for the new releases. Hey I knew my music in my day and I have not been hiding under a rock for the last few years. So picture this hip guy full of confidence as he stops by the new releases.

I start my scanning to see what new treasure I can come up with. As I kept looking looking looking I began to realize I did not know one artist or one cd in the five rows of these new cd's .
I kept looking and finally I found one I have heard of before. I could not tell you what song they sang or anything about them or even what style of music they played. Just over heard someone mention their name once. So I continue on with my search as I have three more rows to browse.

I come to last row and by now this very cool guy is feeling very much old at his lack of knowledge of the music business. Finally I find an artist I know very well Neil Young ah yes I am not so ignorant after all. I started to get my confidence back only to soon realize someone had put it in the wrong row as it was not a new release but belonged on the other side of the store.

Guess what this seemingly young cool guy did next, you got it I got the heck out of there as fast as I could, like a dog with his tail between his legs.

So here I am cruisin the mall trying to make sure nobody realizes that this old guy thought he was cool for a few minutes. Not just cool but young. Oh boy we came home ASAP.

The moral of this experience today never try or beleive you are something you are not. If your a geek be a geek if your are super cool be super cool you have the right, but be nice to us people who only dream he could be cool just one more time in his life.

Thanks for reading

CREATIVITY AT IT'S BEST

In the ever sustained world of imagination, creativity embarks on very strange journey. The imagination is there for us to use as a tool to keep our thought process from becoming stagnant and dull.

Creativity filters threw our vision and into reality as we trace the patterns grown in our minds to visually compile a replica of our creativity. Why am I talking about this, well this evening we went to see the movie “Wild Hogs” As I sat there watching this comedy I was thinking to myself “ who thinks this stuff up”

It was hilarious and very entertaining. The story line was not really anything spectacular but what happens in the movie was well thought out. I laughed all the way through it as it kept my attention all the way threw. Not an easy thing to do with me. I can very critical when watching movies, it is a curse I swear. It seems I have to analyze every little detail in the scenes from scene selection to performances by the actors.

This is were the loser part of me really accelerates it’s priority in me. It seems I cannot just watch or hear something without trying to figure out what makes it good or what makes it bad. But it does keep my mind busy and alert.

I was relieved to say this movie held my attention and I do recommend it to anyone. There is a little bit of nudity in the movie but William Macy”s butt really does not count as nudity does it. It was playfully played out and not just in the movie for no reason. The fact he was naked made the scene work. Very funny.

Another by product of creativity in the brain develops out of shear boredom. Sometimes these things come to have a mind of their own and just show up on the page without any real thought and they are just to entertaining. Hence the creation of “Howie the Antelope” which was created by Bonnie. If you can get her permission to access her sight as it is set to private for very good reasons you should check it out. The adventures of Howie will evolve into a stellar character who gets himself into many vicarious situations. And they are all set to limericks. Just to funny as I laughed my butt of while hearing about him. Maybe you will not catch the humor right away but stick around as he grows and becomes human. Nice creative work, I love him lol.

That’s about all I got tonight as my creativity has lacked today but may arrive back tomorrow, who knows. Have a great night and thanks for reading.

ARE YOU ADDICTED ? YOU BET YA

The pity full and unvaried lives of humans can be so engaging. We humans have so many problems during our lives we could not write a book as interesting and captivating as the real thing. Really if we could who would really believe it.

Our love lives are all screwed up our social skills lack integrity and sophistication as the list goes on and on. We bore ourselves with meaningless details which in the end mean nothing. Money becomes the goal instead of just reaching the finish line alive. Hank Williams senior kind of summed it up for me in the fifties, when he sang “ if I ever get out of this world alive”

Addiction have the world population by the throat as we gasp for air. Name your poison and you will find someone with that addiction. For some the addiction is drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, television or maybe something obscure as smelling flowers obsessively. It does not matter what it may be we all have an addiction. Me you may say not I. Well maybe your addiction is junk food, or cleaning the house thirty times a day. Look closely and you will find one very close by.

As we all have our little inculcate diversities and as people we are all different. So I thought also. I have discovered one common addiction all people world wide share. It infects little babies to senior citizens and anyone in-between. We are not so different after all as this one common element is branded into our being from our first breath.

And what would this addiction we share be called. Well it has a none scientific name and is a word we all relate to it is called “ ROUTINES”

That’s right we are addicted to routines and we have become so accustom to living out the ritual we don’t even know we are addicts.

As many of you who read my blog here know since my head injury I do not drive. My life has become a haven for a routine in which I cannot break. Do you realize the impact routines have on our live’s. We worship the all mighty schedule and live it to a tee. We dare not break from it or cast a shadow on it’s power. We openly pursue it’s calming favor and are proud when we have delivered it’s grace to the master.

The ever complex thoughts which travel threw out my head made this observation one morning while waiting for my bus to arrive. I see the same lady wearing a university leather jacket walk across the street and retrieve a pack of smokes. I watch the same dump truck pull up in front of the store and buy some gum and chocolate milk. I see the same black S.U.V pull up across the street the wrong way and go into the store across the road. The old man who stops for his paper and leaves the engine running while dispensing into the store for only a brief moment. I can now watch the second dump truck driver traveling much to fast fly by me. I observe the same kids gather by the corner as the Catholic School bus pulls up in front of them. I see the lone public school guy catch his ride just shortly after that. The same boy walks half way down the street to meet the young lady who exits her home right on time. And when I finally see the Chevy silver truck pull up in front of the store I now know my bus will arrive within three minutes.

I thought to myself that one momentous moment that I felt sorry for all these people and how addicted they are to their perspective routines. Then a bright light went on inside my head, why am I feeling sorry for them. I am here every morning to watch all this organized confusion. I awake at every morning at six fifty and by seven fifteen I have done the exact same thing every morning.

Ever have one of those days when you just feel out of sync within yourself. When this happens think back and see if you have broken your routine in some fashion. I would bet you have and it messes up everything. Maybe you broke rank and went to sleep the night before at a time which was not your routine.

If you think about it our routines are a form of organization in which we rely on keeping us focused. I find this real sad and some what pathetic that we need such addiction to help us survive. I am one of these people who gets a vacation and for the first few days has no idea what to do with themselves. My routine has been broken and life makes no sense.

I just wanted to share these observations with you as you now know how desparate I am to have a life.

Thanks for reading

DANGEROUS THINKING

In the ever evolving learning process of my life I wanted to share something I found. I was not aware I thought like this but when in fact I discovered it had consumed me. I am talking about envy.

Envy is a form of greed and greed is a form of desire which when translated means you want something that is not yours or something which you cannot have. I have never really considered myself to be vulnerable to these thoughts but I was sadly mistaken. It rips you apart inside as it distorts real feelings which you feel. It is a form of jealousy and is not healthy in any form.

Envy and greed mixed with jealousy creates mass confusion within ones mind. It takes normal healthy thoughts and disguises them as visions which are not real. It develops a perfect scenario in which you feel you have a right to enjoy or covet a possession which you have no title to be thinking about in the first place. And soon after when you realize you cannot have it anger will soon follow.

Having a dream or desire about these things is very normal I think but when you feel you must have them at any cost then you are in for some disappointment in your life.

I found myself in this position about a week ago and I feel terrible about it. But in life we cannot turn back the clock and change things we can only ask for forgiveness and remember the lesson learned.

I have learned from this experience and have moved on remembering the lesson. I am so glad I corrected this problem before it blew into a million pieces right in front of me.

Life lessons can be hard to swallow at times but they certainly leave their mark on your life. They are good though and we should never feel sorry for learning them. We may feel embarrassed by them but deal with it when the times is right.

I just wanted to share this life lesson with you guys as I feel great having dealt with it. Thanks for reading.

UTTER RANDOMNESS

In the ever changing life of Lloyd I did something I really regretted. I deleted my blog at a weak moment. I closed my eyes and and hit the button. Why you ask, well that is a very good question. One I cannot answer honestly other than I was down and felt the need to put my life back into private.

Oh brother what a mistake. I knew right away it was a mistake. So I had to change my link slightly to get back on. NOTE TO SELF "never do that again"

Work has been real busy and everything has been going good. I am excited about life again and look forward to another to begin.

Had band practice today for the first time in two months, and let me tell it felt awesome to play again.

I bought The Fray concert tickets this week for a show in Toronto in June. I am excited about this. They are an awesome group of talented musicians and their music is well written and preformed. My dear friend put me onto them and I am hoping to see you at the show.

Been doing a lot of spring yes spring painting and repairs on the house lately. I purchased a new front steel door. I will hire a pro to install it. Thought about doing it myself but you know the old saying " why get someone else to do it when for a little bit more you can do it yourself"

The music project is falling into place very nicely and I am so looking forward to it. July cannot come soon enough.

I am still doing a lot of research in an attempt to maybe open my own record label. It would be a small label but all things start small. It may not happen but time will tell. There is so much to do just to get started. I have to make sure I am dedicated to it 100 percent. I already know who my first client will be. I hope if this happens I can do them justice. I have the name all picked out but cannot say yet. I will keep you updated on the results.

Thats about all I got tonight so take care and thanks for being understanding on my weak moment.

NEEDED A BREAK

I will be away just a little while longer as I get things in order and work on this new design. I will keep you posted if you are interested.